We celebrate a non-religious Christmas in my family of origin (and I now celebrate/host Hanukkah). We are a family of adult children, so giant gifts under the tree aren’t a part of our Christmas anymore… What a relief! This isn’t to say that we don’t exchange gifts, but when we do it is with intentionality. Here’s where the family gifting tradition now stands:
- I usually gift my husband an experience (like an escape room adventure, we are obsessed), and he usually gifts me a fancy dinner out or a letter/card of some sort: I’m a big words of affirmation person, and I love to read these over and over.
- My brothers and sisters-in-law and I pool our money to buy one awesome gift for our folks. That toaster oven that burned anybody who accidentally touched the top of it is long gone, and replaced with a safer and more efficient one. When there is no item that they need, we buy them a gift certificate to a restaurant in whatever place they are visiting that winter (usually New Orleans, but once they went to Iceland and it was fun to treat them to a meal there).
- Our grandmother (Mumsey!) doesn’t want or need any gifts, so instead all of her grandchildren make a gift to Homefront NJ, in her honor because it’s her favorite charity. We get her the same gift every year because she doesn’t value the surprise element of the gifting as much as she loves the impact of it. Every Christmas it makes her year!
- When my grandfather Henry was alive I was always stumped on what to get him. One year I wrote him a letter telling him all the ways in which I’m proud of him, and how he has positively shaped my life with his love and generosity. I know it meant a lot to him because he kept it- I received it back with a box of his personal things after he passed in 2018.
- My brothers and I have a yearly gift truce: We agree not to stress about Christmas or birthday gifts for each other all year. It’s wonderful to prioritize our time together without the pressure of gifts.
- However, we do have a little nephew now in my immediate family! He is 2 years old, and the presents that we are encouraged to get for him are either gymnastics or swim lessons, or secondhand books.
- I have a “gift truce” with most friends, but my best friend and I usually like to exchange gifts for fun… It’s usually food!
- With all other friends, it’s straight up quality time. “Let’s go walk our dogs together after the New Year.” “Come over for a jigsaw puzzle and fire pit.” That sort of thing. No money spent, no clutter created (all jigsaw puzzles get passed on or donated once completed).
To keep holidays simple, I set expectations with everyone in my life that I’m not a gift-giving person, and that they should not buy anything for me. Most folks are happy to oblige. While the act of unwrapping a surprise is fun… Like Mumsey, I value a predictable but impactful gift that I actually asked for, over a mystery/tangible one!