In my last post on The Sneaky Six, I talked about Potential. Here’s a recap of the six fears and excuses that make us hold onto things for too long:
- Potential (use)
- Investment (cost)
- Identity (ego)
- Anxiety (control)
- Obligation (guilt)
- Loss (grief)
Let’s explore why we keep things we don’t need based on investment.
Throwing food in the garbage that went bad before it got eaten, or donating clothing with tags can feel like watching little dollar signs get stuffed down the sink disposal. We consider the time we put in working to earn the item in question, and we feel bad. Investment isn’t just monetary– think about the time, energy and attention that we invest in our items as well: A never-worn t-shirt is hard to let go of from a monetary standpoint, but a t-shirt from a play you were in that you spent days/weeks/months rehearsing for… That can be even tougher to place in the donation bag, based on the time/energy investment you made during that time in your life. Our culture encourages materialism by equating physical items with accomplishments and feelings of worthiness. We do this with trophies and medals, wedding rings, keepsake items, playbills… If we let these things go, it’s like it all never happened, right? What about people in our lives that we have invested so much time in? Your partner or friend may be a bad fit for you, but there’s years worth of history between you two. What exactly are we afraid of happening if we let something go that we were keeping based on financial, energetic or emotional investment?
Keeping items based on Investment sounds like this:
- “I spent so much money on that, I can’t part with it yet.”
- “I don’t want it, but I want to sell it. That way I get a little bit of a return on my investment.”
- “My child and I invested so much time on her project for school. I can’t just throw it away.”
- “My partner and I aren’t really happy, but we’ve been together for 6 years… I don’t want to start over.”
Common items that are kept for too long based on Investment:
- Clothing with tags.
- Expensive toiletries that you splurged on but never use.
- Expired foods.
- Awards from major achievements.
- Unfinished projects: You’ve come this far, why stop now?
- School projects, posters and papers.
- Broken relationships.
What are the honest fears underneath holding on to items for too long based on Investment?
- The only way to get my return on this investment is to keep it longer.
- Letting this go before I really use or appreciate it would be wasteful.
In 2004 I bought a brown belted blazer at a shop in Singapore, thinking it would be perfect to wear to job interviews. It sat in the closet in my old room in my parents’ house in New Jersey for TEN. YEARS. Tags and all. It wasn’t until I took classes to find my best colors/styles that I was able to look at it and say “I’m never going to wear this.” I abandoned all hope of selling it, and just donated it to Homefront NJ. I dragged that thing with me from across the planet!
What else have I held on to for too long based on investment? Relationships that made me feel caged. Friendships that didn’t lift me any more. Things that felt at the time like they needed to be kept, because I had already invested so much time and mental effort in them. Decluttering is a lifelong journey: I’m still releasing in areas where I feel unsatisfied.
If it’s an item, then the moment it leaves your home, it will stop haunting you. It’s only hurting you now while you have it. Once it’s gone, you won’t think about it (the only reason I remembered the blazer is because I originally published this post right after I donated it back in 2014!).
It’s a little easier to let go of things when you ponder on what they’ve taught you. Never-worn clothing may feel like a waste, but it taught us what we will and won’t realistically wear. Keep that knowledge forever, but you don’t have to keep the item itself. A school project that we put our heart into did its job while we were doing it, and taught us to relish the journey: The destination feels good until it starts collecting dust. Lastly, letting go of a long-term relationship or friendship can teach you more about yourself; what you will and will not allow in your life. If you look at things this way, everything that enters your home and life has value, and you never have to keep it to retain the lesson. Remember that clutter is a material clue that something needs to be emotionally released. It is never wasteful to donate items that you never used… Think of it in the sense that you unknowingly bought it to bless somebody else.